Film star Kirk Douglas has an insightful little essay in the August 2 issue of Newsweek. He’s not writing about cancer – Douglas had a disabling stroke, and has had to learn to speak again – but the wisdom he has to share about survivorship applies to many different obstacles in life:“Years ago I was at the bedside of my dying mother, an illiterate Russian peasant. Terrified, I held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked at me. The last thing she said to me was ‘Don’t be afraid, son, it happens to everyone.’ As I got older, I became comforted by those words....
In my case, a deep depression set in when I had a stroke 12 years ago and my speech was affected. The thought that I would never make another movie echoed in my brain. I was constantly beset with passivity. I just wanted to lie in bed and do nothing. Fortunately, my wife believes in tough love. When I lay there feeling sorry for myself, Anne would say, ‘Get your ass out of bed and work on your speech therapy.’ That helped.
Depression is caused by thinking too much about yourself. Try to think of others, try to help them. You will be amazed how that lessens your depression. That satisfaction is priceless.”
There’s more to depression than “thinking too much about yourself,” of course. If nothing else, there are biochemical factors that play a major role. Yet, the mind-body connection is porous, with causation flowing both ways. How we choose to deal with our life-situations does make a difference.
I think Douglas is right: that relentless, “woe is me” pattern of turning in upon ourselves can lead to nothing good. He took his mother’s homespun advice to heart. Sooner or later, death does happen to everyone. It’s all about how we play the cards we’re dealt.
Douglas seems to have learned that the meaning of life is found not in its duration, but in how we live the years we’re given. No doubt, it’s a hard-won lesson. He’s a ripe old 91, but he’s had a grueling dozen years since his stroke. In his first 79 years, he lived a storybook life, becoming Hollywood royalty. Reading his words, I get the sense that these recent years have been among the most rewarding – especially as he and his wife have engaged in a host of philanthropic activities.His mother’s deathbed words to him are not the sentimental platitude you’d expect to hear in an old-time Hollywood movie. They’re simple, practical and true – as is Kirk Douglas’ advice to us.
Preach it, brother.
