From Denny: Want to know what's on the minds of comics when they watch the news? Here's your chance as several comics review everything from the sorry Sandra Bullock Oscar saga of a jerk husband, Sarah Palin's odd reality TV show, health care reform drama, Vice President Joe Biden's potty mouth statement on microphone in front of national TV cameras about how great it was to pass the health care bill, the state of California's possible legalization of marijuana and the weird former Presidents: George Bush "43" oddly wiping his hand off on Bill Clinton's shoulder. What drugs is he on now?
If you ever wanted a comedian to be your news anchor here's your chance as three comics gather around with The Early Show host, Harry Smith, to discuss the news and solve all the problems of the world in an amusing way.
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And on to the serious news... It's a relief to see America and Russia begin to skip the political rhetoric and reduce the nuclear armament stockpiles. It doesn't matter if they are aging and too expensive to keep up. The point is to get rid of the stuff or quit building insane huge inventories. Now will the rest of the world take their lead?
It looks like our FBI is ever vigilant to root out the idiots in America who choose to aid and fund the Al Qaeda terrorists. They have arrested a Chicago cabbie for his involvement in sending funding to terrorists.
Poor Chile. You would think this country would catch a break. Another large earthquake struck. Fortunately, there was little to no damage, according to officials. It does make you wonder just what is going on with all the sudden large earthquakes worldwide.
As to the latest on health care, CBS had some good articles about what it will mean to you if you are uninsured or already insured. You will want to take a look at that news.
And Iraq's election looks promising as the people have elected a secular government that is suspicious and antagonistic toward Iran. Looks like our work is done and America can go home soon. It will take months of political wrangling probably to work out the kinks but things look promising in Iraq.
And for the final laugh of the news, check out the latest Tea Party morality drama.
Historic Treaty Cuts Nuclear Arms By 25%: (CBS) President Obama and Russian President Medvedev Will Meet in Prague on April 8. In a phone call this morning, President Obama and President Medvedev agreed to meet in Prague, the Czech Republic, on Thursday, April 8, to sign the a historic new treaty between the United States of America and the Russian Federation on Measures to Further Reduction and Limitation of Strategic Offensive Arms (the “New START Treaty”).
"I’m pleased to announce that after a year of intense negotiations, the United States and Russia have agreed to the most comprehensive arms control agreement in nearly two decades," Obama said in a Friday White House press briefing.
A senior administration official tells CBS News the treaty would cut by 25 percent the number of deployed nuclear weapons.
A White House statement said the treaty will limit both sides to 1,550 warheads each - about 30 percent fewer than in the previous agreement. It also limits each to 700 deployed missiles and bombers.
This limit is 74 percent lower than the limit of the 1991 START Treaty and 30 perdent lower than the deployed strategic warhead limit of the 2002 Moscow Treaty.
The statement said the accord also includes tough verification measures that will enable both sides to monitor all aspects of its implementation.
The Treaty’s duration will be ten years, unless superseded by a subsequent agreement. The U.S. Senate and the Russian legislature must approve the Treaty before it can enter into force.
The Treaty does not contain any constraints on testing, development or deployment of current or planned U.S. missile defense programs or current or planned United States long-range conventional strike capabilities.
"With this agreement, the United States and Russia - the two largest nuclear powers in the world - also send a clear signal that we intend to lead," Obama said. "By upholding our own commitments under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty, we strengthen our global efforts to stop the spread of these weapons, and to ensure that other nations meet their own responsibilities..."
U.S. Cabbie Charged with Aiding al Qaeda: (CBS) Chicago Man Raja Lahrasib Khan Accused of Trying to Funnel Money for Bombs to Pakistani, Talked of Stadium Attack. A Chicago cab driver was charged Friday with attempting to provide funds for explosives to al Qaeda and discussing a possible bomb attack on a stadium in the United States this summer, according to a federal complaint.
Raja Lahrasib Khan, 56, a naturalized U.S. citizen of Pakistani origin, was charged in the complaint filed by the FBI with providing material support to a foreign terrorist organization.
Khan spoke with another man identified in the complaint only as Individual B on March 11 and appeared to be talking about an attack on an unspecified stadium within the United States, according to the complaint.
Khan allegedly said bags containing remote controlled bombs could be placed within the stadium and then, "boom, boom, boom, boom," prosecutors said...
Chile Shakes From 6.8 Magnitude Earthquake : (CBS) No Immediate Reports of Damage or Casualties From Trembler. A strong earthquake has shaken northern Chile.
There are no immediate reports of injuries and Chile's national emergency office says the only known damages are fallen rocks on roadways.
The U.S. Geological Survey said Friday's quake had a preliminary magnitude of 6.2 and was centered near Copiapo, 380 miles north of the capital of Santiago.
It struck at 11:52 a.m. local time (10:52 p.m. EDT; 1452 GMT).
The temblor happened far away from the epicenter of last month's devastating magnitude-8.8 earthquake and subsequent tsunami, which claimed 452 lives, destroyed $8 billion worth of homes, schools and hospitals, and cost nearly $1 billion in road damages.
That quake was centered 200 miles southwest of Santiago and just 70 miles from Concepcion, Chile's second-largest city.
Reform Won't Change Insurers' Profits Much
: (CBS) User's Guide to Health Reform: Despite New Taxes, Regulations on Insurance Companies, New Clients Will Keep Profits High. The insurance industry that was demonized in the health care debate faces a flood of new customers and tight new regulations, but when it comes to their bottom lines, it appears little will change, reports CBS News Chief Investigative Correspondent Armen Keteyian.
up to 20 million new customers but will be required to:
• spend at least 80 to 85 cents of every dollar it takes in on health care
• eliminate lifetime limits on coverage and restrict annual limits
• pay at least $70 billion in new taxes beginning in 2014
• sell insurance through state-run exchanges, making purchasing more affordable for individuals
In addition, insurers will be prohibited from:
• charging older Americans more than three times what they charge the young
• canceling policies when people get sick
• perhaps most importantly, beginning in 2014, insurers will no longer be allowed to exclude the 12.6 million adults with pre-existing conditions
... Industry leaders expressed concern about the bill, charging it does little to improve quality or contain the soaring cost of health care, which has increased 131 percent for families in the last decade, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation.
Uninsured? What the New Bill Means for You: (CBS) A User's Guide to Heath Care Reform - 32 Million More Americans to be Covered by 2019.
Under the health care bill, most Americans are now required to have health insurance. The government will help people pay for it by expanding Medicaid programs to include families making less than $29,000 - and singles making less than $14,400 per year.
To make their insurance more affordable, families making less than $88,000 a year will have their monthly premiums capped at anywhere from 2 to 9.5 percent of their income. Right now there is no cap. And a significant change - young adults can now stay on their parents' coverage until age 26.
In exchange for the help, those who refuse to buy health insurance will pay an annual penalty of $95 in 2014.
Finally, insurance companies can no longer deny coverage to those with pre-existing conditions. For adults that rule begins in 2014. For children, it goes into effect six months after the bill is signed.
Already Insured? Get Ready to Pay More: (CBS) A User's Guide to Heath Care Reform - If You Make More Money, You'll Pay More Money. For most Americans insured through work, health care coverage is expected to stay the same -- or improve. No lifetime caps. No denial of benefits if people get sick. And continued coverage if you lose or change jobs.
But premiums will continue to rise. How much? No one's certain. To pay for this sweeping reform, here's what will change: Those tax-free flexible spending accounts will be cut in half. They reimburse some medical bills not covered by insurance. The new cap: $2,500.
Starting in 2013, individuals earning more than $200,000 a year - and families earning more than $250,000 - will pay almost one percent more on their Medicare payroll tax. For a family earning $500,000 it means an extra $2,250 a year.
Those same high-earners will face an extra 3.8 percent Medicare tax on their net investment income.
Challenger Edges Out PM in Iraq Election: (CBS) Secular Former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi Edges Out PM Nouri al-Maliki by 91 to 89 Seats in Parliament. A jubilant Ayad Allawi claimed victory for his secular, anti-Iranian coalition as final parliamentary returns Friday showed him edging out the bloc of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, who angrily vowed to fight the results.
The results, if they stand, will give Allawi the first opportunity to form a parliamentary majority and Iraq's next government. But they do not automatically mean that he will become prime minister, and the narrow margin sets the stage for months of political wrangling.
"On this occasion, I'd like to congratulate the Iraqi people and extend the hand of friendship to all neighboring and world countries," said Allawi, a secular Shiite politician and former prime minister who appealed across sectarian lines to minority Sunnis who have been out of power since the downfall of Saddam Hussein...
Regardless of who eventually comes out on top, the results of the March 7 elections suggest that millions of Iraqis are fed up with a political system that revolves around membership in one of the two major Islamic sects.
They also show that Iraqis - both Shiite and Sunni - are suspicious of Iranian influence. Allawi was widely seen as closer to the region's Arab governments than to neighboring Shiite Iran...
And one last "weird but true" story. Yeah, this Tea Party really has it going on in the morality and above the law status:
Tea Party Candidate Facing Felony Charges: (CBS) A Nevada asphalt contractor who faces a legal challenge to his Tea Party of Nevada candidacy for U.S. Senate was hit Friday with felony theft and bad check charges in Las Vegas that allege he bounced a $5,000 business check last year.
Scott Ashjian is one of a record 22 candidates, including 12 Republicans, running for the seat held by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who is seeking a fifth term.
Bernie Zadrowski, head of the Clark County district attorney's office bad check unit, said he would seek an arrest warrant Monday in Las Vegas Justice Court. Ashjian could face up to 14 years in state prison if convicted...
In a separate matter, a Carson City District Court judge on Friday set an April 14 hearing on a lawsuit that challenges Ashjian's membership in the Tea Party of Nevada and his place on the ballot. Documents filed with the lawsuit appear to show that Ashjian changed his voter registration on March 2, the day after he filed his declaration of candidacy.
Ashjian said he's being targeted by unnamed people acting on behalf of the Republican Party.
"Clearly these people are afraid that I will siphon votes from their political party and from the Republican Party," he said in a statement in response to the lawsuit...
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